On Sleep

This is likely the first post in a series where I want to talk about maintaining physical and mental health, especially in this age rampant with anxiety. And sleep is the cornerstone of it all.

The more I research, the more my heart aches, discovering just how many people are troubled by insomnia, how much unhappiness there is. I suspect that behind most of it lies the shadow of anxiety.

To be honest, although I am often troubled by insomnia myself, I’m not that worried about it anymore. Occasionally, it still takes me a long time to fall asleep, but in the end, I always manage to drift off in a daze. I think this is probably because I’ve adopted a “lie flat” mentality—I used to worry about what would happen the next day if I couldn’t sleep, but later I decided to let myself off the hook: my nervous system just has this characteristic, so I’ll accept it and give myself a break!

My Core Idea: A Three-Step Sleep Strategy

Wanting a good night’s sleep isn’t about forcing yourself to “must fall asleep,” but about cultivating an internal environment suitable for sleep. My strategy is divided into three steps:

Before Sleep: Slow down the high-speed brain.
After Closing Eyes: Actively initiate a suitable “sleep-aid process.”
After Waking Up: Effectively wake yourself up.

Step 1: “Slowing Down” the Brain Before Sleep

Slowing down the brain, to put it more professionally, is about activating the parasympathetic nervous system, switching the body from the “fight or flight” stress mode to the “rest and digest” relaxation mode.

There are many methods, many of which are well-known, such as:

Drinking a glass of warm milk
Soaking your feet in hot water
Staying away from electronic screens like phones and computers for an hour before bed
Doing some gentle stretching

My personal understanding is that our brain is like a computer. If there are too many “processes” (thoughts) running at the same time, or if a certain process is too “CPU-intensive” (like anxiety or excitement), the CPU usage is too high, making it naturally difficult to enter sleep mode.

What we especially need to be wary of are those emotions related to anxiety. For example, worrying about not being able to sleep, and “worrying about the worrying itself”… No matter how many layers you’ve nested, these thoughts are stubborn processes that interfere with sleep.

personal tip: Build a strong association between your bed and rest. Try not to do things in bed other than sleeping (like scrolling through your phone).

Step 2: Falling Asleep, Initiating a “Sleep-Aid Process”

It’s actually very difficult for a person to actively “shut down” a thought. Therefore, rather than futilely fighting against stray thoughts, it’s better to learn to guide your attention to a low-power “sleep-aid process” that we want to run. If you notice an inappropriate process (like anxiety) popping up during this time, it’s okay, just gently bring your attention back.

Examples of possible “suitable processes”:

Meditation, mindfulness, breathing exercises: Positive psychology highly recommends these methods. However, they are only moderately effective for me personally, so I haven’t deeply distinguished their definitions.
Listening to audio: This is my favorite! My brother’s suggestion is to listen to Guo Degang’s crosstalk, while I prefer English stand-up comedy—I can understand small parts, which I find funny, but most of it I don’t understand, which paradoxically becomes the perfect background noise, making it easy to fall asleep.
Scrolling short videos (Use with caution!): Some people advocate for scrolling short videos until you get bored and naturally fall asleep. I personally feel this is a “heretical path of cultivation”; it’s bad for the eyes and it’s easy to scroll into an “anxiety booster.” But it does work for some people, which just proves how highly individual sleep-aid methods are.

I personally prefer listening to English stand-up because it’s interesting enough to draw my attention away from anxiety and the thought of “checking if I’m sleepy yet.” The best state is: my body is already suitable for sleep, but my mind is still a bit “reluctant,” so I get absorbed in a not-so-brain-intensive activity. Unconsciously, the body’s sleep system quietly takes the upper hand.

personal tip: Before getting into bed, you can remind yourself that anxious and worried thoughts might appear. If they do, remember to pull your attention back. Don’t wait until after you’ve closed your eyes to think of a countermeasure on the fly.

Step 3: After Waking Up, Actively “Load the Wake-up Program”

A regular schedule is crucial. Even if we can’t control what time we fall asleep, we can control what time we go to bed and what time we get up! Of these, waking up at a regular time is more important than going to bed at a regular time.

After waking up, you can do a few things to better awaken your body:

Open the curtains and let your eyes get some sunlight. This helps the nervous system load the “wake-up process.”
Move your body a bit.
Other than turning off the alarm, try your best to avoid looking at your phone in bed.

Mindset Shift: Pursue “Rest,” Not “Sleep”

Later, I found that I would intentionally avoid the phrase “fall asleep.” What I need to do is not “try hard to fall asleep,” but “try hard to rest.”

The act of “falling asleep,” much like our heartbeat, is not directly controlled by our subjective will. But our emotions and behaviors truly affect its quality. Shifting the goal from the uncontrollable “falling asleep” to the controllable “resting” will lift a huge psychological burden. As long as I am lying quietly in bed, not overthinking, not engaging in self-blame or internal friction, then my body is resting, it is restoring energy. Even if I’m sleepless all night, it’s far better than pulling an all-nighter to work.

If you find yourself tossing and turning in bed, unable to control your racing thoughts, and your brain’s “power consumption” remains high, then resolutely get up. Do some low-energy activities, like listening to music or reading a few pages of a leisure book (but pay attention to eye health).

In Conclusion: Acceptance, Trial, and Seeking Help

I have to admit, some people are gifted, getting sleepy on the dot and falling asleep the moment their head hits the pillow. I used to be one of The_Lucky_Ones, but starting in high school, that luck quietly left me. Academic pressure and anxiety about the future made the act of sleeping incredibly heavy.

Now, I have grown accustomed to accepting the reality that “my performance tomorrow might be discounted.” The interesting thing is, when you truly accept the possibility of “maybe not sleeping well,” and your mentality completely “lies flat,” the pressure of insomnia actually alleviates.

Please understand, “lying flat” here doesn’t mean “giving up” (bai lan). It’s not about giving up effort, but about no longer criticizing yourself after having tried your best. This is a respect for physiological laws, and also a form of self-care.

Of course, if your situation is relatively serious and self-regulation isn’t working well, please seek medical help promptly. Just as you need medicine for a bad cold, if the nervous system “gets sick,” you can’t always rely on your willpower to tough it out. There is no shame in using scientific methods to intervene.

I hope we can all gain insight into our own sleep mechanisms, find the methods that work for us, and, in the process of trying and exploring, find peace with ourselves.

Wishing everyone a good rest! (ง •_•)ง

New Series Alert: This article will also be part of a future “Anxiety” series. After four years of being steeped in psychology during my undergrad, I always feel that much of life’s suffering is related to anxiety (while not the root cause, it is indeed the direct cause). Until neuroscience achieves a key breakthrough, may we all find growth in coexisting and contending with anxiety.
Disclaimer: The professionalism of this article is certified only by myself and an AI, and the author is really too lazy to list reference sources 🫠